Thursday, August 05, 2010

Goodbye

 August 1, 2010  6:00 pm
I was always the pragmatic one. Borderline cynical, some would say. I wouldn't though.
I love life, its joys and adventures, its beauty and variety... i love it. That's why I'm always so practical, cautious even. I would hate to let some frivolous activity or pursuit of some ephemeral pleasure destroy my way of life, my beautiful way of life.
I did make one mistake though... many many years ago, I made a friend... R.
They say a man is known by the company he keeps... and they are right.


June 6, 1985  11:00 am
R: "Come on, get in already!
M: "Shut up! I'm concentrating...
R: "Well concentrate faster.
M: "Its impossible with you disturbing me continuously.
R: "Lemonade concentrate makes juice faster not slower, dumbass.
M: "Was that a joke? Haa haa ha ha haaa... whatta joke yaar... Idiot!

He snickered as I scanned the small fence for jagged edges or hooks. No one seemed to be around. Good for us, since we were going to 'borrow' a huge, juicy pumpkin from this very field right now.

M: "Why are you not going in? I can be a better lookout, I'm taller."
R: "Because my parents know Mr F and if he sees me he'l tell them and I'l be in big trouble. Now stop being a pussy and just do it only, yaar."

He was right about that... I was being a pussy...
He was wrong about pretty much everything else...
- Pumpkins are hard  to uproot... definitely not 2 minutes. And they are heavy.
- Mr F. did have a dog, a big dog.
- The street we went running down... it din't lead back to the town.

M: You knew you asshole, you knew. Whatta asshole you are man... why are you laughing? You weren't wrong, you were lying. You bastard! That dog bit me, we din't even get the pumpkin, and I could have died right now. What are you laughing for, asshole?
R: That was so awesome. Dude, you know it was awesome. Stop complaining. Look at that stupid dog barking up there. Ho ho ha haa... that was too awesome.
Look, stop making that face, listen. You know there was no other way you would have done this. Just get past your anger and see na... this is the most awesome thing you have ever done. And you know it. And now we can cut off 3 things from our list - 
4. Steal.
13. Get bitten by a dog.
17. Jump off Suicide cliff into the sea. 
God promise, that was the most awesome thing ever ever. I can imagine their faces at school when we tell them. I'l let you say it was your plan. Can you imagine telling S about your daredevilry. You would like that, wont you? You even have wounds to show for it... and I'l back you up. She might even give you a kiss. Cheer up, this is the most awesome moment of our lives. 

I got a lot more than just a kiss. It WAS the most awesome moment of my life.
7. Lose virginity before turning 18.
How could he know me so well? How could he know exactly what would happen, exactly how I would react, exactly what I would think?
My best friend, he knew me better than I knew myself. He made my secret dreams come true, ones that I would never dare to admit, even to myself.


August 1, 2010 6:01 pm
25 years ago, we made a list... 100 things to do in life before we die.
R and me, me and R... closest of close friends, bestest of buds, we made a pact, and signed it with our blood, that we will complete every single task on that list. Raised our right hand in the air, pinched the skins on our necks and swore God promise, double cross, no return to ensure the vow held even if one of us had our sly fingers crossed. 
So naive, so carefree and so full of life and dreams... so free. Childhood is really the most beautiful time of your life. We took the list very seriously. The list had a 100 of the most life changing experiences we could come up with. If we could do the list, our lives would be the most awesome of all the people in the world.
In the next 25 years we crossed off many a tasks...
12. Go to jail.
43. Participate in an orgy. 
64. Climb Mt. Everest.
And then we grew up and decided that not everything on the list could be done. 
Or so I thought. Or so I hoped.


February 29, 2004 10:00 pm
M: I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
R: But you did, coz even though you'l never admit it, you know this is going to be awesome.
M: Are you sure this is safe?
R: Its not dumbass... thats why its so awesome. But don't worry, you'l be fine. As long as you don't panic and try to jump out midway. This is going to be so awesome.

It would have been the most awesome moment of our lives... 
had I not panicked... and jumped.


March 23 2004, 6:02 pm
I got hurt. Bad. Paralyzed, neck down... No hands, no legs, no spine... Confined to a chair... for ever. Larynx crushed... mute... never to sing again.
They say I shouldn't be depressed, for it could have been worse.
At least I could still see in vivid horror, I could still hear the chirp and life around me, I just couldn't get up and destroy it, just couldn't scream my head off in maniacal laughter and burn it all down.
At least I was still breathing, just not living.

They say many stupid things. S was always stupid.... beautiful, but stupid.
They found him... R. She blamed him, sued him, but the case was dismissed. Then she sued the company, and lost again. Then she sued me. 
They say the third time is the charm... and they are right. I had to find out eventually.
56. Cheat on or be cheated on by someone.

He could not come to see me in the hospital... my family would not let him. But he did send me a note "You shouldn't have jumped. It would have been awesome. I hope you can forgive yourself and move on. I'l be back to check up on you... soon. R"
I believe him. He knows. He always knows. He knows exactly how I feel, how I think. My friend, my best friend.


August 1 2010, 6:02 pm
I waited for him. For 6 years.
It didn't feel like an eternity. When you can't turn your head to see the clock... you cant count the seconds. You stare straight ahead, watching the daylight. Then you blink and its already evening.
You marvel how it was just morning a minute ago. The morning of Feb 29. Just a minute ago I was with R, laughing... happy.
And now he has come back. To make my wish come true.

Suicide lake looks beautiful, the valley breathtaking. The music of the wind tearing across my face celebrating my arrival, the inviting smell of the water hurtling up to greet me in its cold embrace, the trees like spectators, cheering me with arms held high in adulation... one last hurrah. My body... arms and legs that used to weigh a million tonnes in that sickly chair... is flailing without a care, weightless as it were. 
I am weightless... I am flying.

98. Fly.

They say your whole life flashes before your eyes before you die... and they are right.
I saw it all and I was satisfied. Everyone dies, not every truly lives. I have done more things in my life than most people ever dream of. I have experienced pain, joy, triumph, frustration, unbounded ecstasy and utter hopeless devastation.
I have done it all, and its all due to my friend, R. My friend, my best friend.

Using all my heart and willpower, I manage to turn around, so he can see the gratitude in my eyes before I fly away. And the last thing I see is R holding a pen and a yellowing piece of paper, signed in blood by 2 teenaged boys filled with dreams of living the most awesome life ever, ever.

100. Kill.

My friend, he knew me better than I did myself. He knew exactly what I feel, exactly how I react. 
He knew now, just as he did 6 years ago on the morning of Feb 29.

Goodbye, friend.
M

20 comments:

  1. the narration held the flow, though a bit lengthy..

    atb for batom.

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  2. Things to do before I die List.
    Good one!
    ATB for BAT13
    Gkam - Goodbye

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  3. The Bucket List Reloaded .. Good One..

    ATB for BAT-13

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  4. Among friends there's always this one guy or gal who's a daredevil swashbuckler and they definitely make life interesting for the rest of us. Nice read. And all the best for BAT 13!

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  5. nice nice... :) all the best for BAT

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  6. I really really liked it! The whole story had a beautiful flow to it...and the demarcation between past and present was also made evident with the help of time stamps.
    The only thing I wanted to add here is...it would have been great if you had used names..real names...instead of R, M, F etc. Just human psychology...we are able to relate better with familiar names.

    I feel this story stands a good chance, even though I have read very few posts till now!

    All the best for BAT!!!

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  7. yeah, its the bucket list. though the list looked far more adventurous and crazy compared to the things they do in the movie. :P Nice take on the topic.

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  8. This is crazy, very edgy, engrossing and crazy. Loved it

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  9. good narration, quite eerie!

    all the best!

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  10. Very well written.. I have to say this, your theme is black and your fonts are also dark which makes nothing visible, it puts the reader to select and read.. so do check out and sort out this..

    All The Best for BAT 13.

    Do stop by Gmsaravana - Goodbye

    Yours Frendly,
    Someone Is Special

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  11. nice post, quite interestin n diff, jus feel tht u cud hv added a few more details, but on d whole quite engrossin.

    -Devilzangel
    http://collected-cryptics.blogspot.com

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  12. Hi, welcome to BAT.. tht was an interesting post an keep me hooked till the end.. bt frankly, thr r parts tht i havnt undrstood like how he got paralysed (wat was the dare), wat was 'cheating sum1' all about, etc.. It might b bcoz of overdose of posts (i've been reading the entries on d trot)..
    Keep participating and enriching this event :)

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  13. Thanks for the comments people, my first BAT here. Glad to see atleast some of you liked it.. :P

    @ mayur - point taken... you are right.

    @vipul - thanks for the welcome... will be sure to bat for BAT in the coming months... it is a fantastic initiative indeed, especially for super procrastinating bloggers like me... kudos.

    i didnt specify the fateful dare and details of S cheating on R, coz I felt they werent relevant to the story's focus.
    The focus being R and M's different approaches to their friendship.
    The focus being the last sentence of the post before 'goodbye friend'. :)
    But I guess I didnt make it clear enough since very few people seem to have commented with that in view...
    So if you read it again, and for anyone else who does read this post... pay attention to the last two sentences of the post...
    this is not a heartwarming bucketlist story, its much more sinister than that.

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  14. Disturbing and dark. It's always the most loyal ones who get cheated upon.

    All the best!

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  15. It was a dark post, but interesting nevertheless.

    Cheers,
    Sid
    Holy Cow!!! Did you know?

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  16. Interesting take - good character sketch, I like sinister stories.

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  17. a lot of us make lists of things to do on a daily basis, buy vegetables or pens the lists are mundane.
    the story helped the reader experience many emotions in one go and I think that's commendable.

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  18. There is indeed a lot to it than initially meets the eye...I'd love to know what the dare is, it sort of makes it half-baked.But the end is really well, I don't know I could say dark but then its what M wanted,R grants him his last wish, just as best friends are supposed to do..
    A really nice read..
    Goodluck for BAT 13!

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  19. Thanks for the comments and encouragement, particularly Keerthi... :)

    Keep writing, keep reading, keep blogging

    \m/

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