Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Where's the Mugga in the Hugga...??

Its finally time. My worst fears have collided head on with my reality.

And there's nowhere to run.

But let me rewind just a little bit for the sake of the uninitiated...

<<<<<<<<<< I exhaled loudly, bathing in the afterglow of what is probably the single most satifying act known to man.(Sex, technically, is not a 'single' act... atleast for most of us... thankfully.) As I sat there (Mcdonalds restroom in delhi, for the curious) appreciating the fact the probably mankind greatest unsung gift to himself is to prohibit instant gratification at the slightest hint of pressure, which may or may not be in public, but rather restrain himself for more private environments, thereby often forcing us to control our b'anal'ities for much longer than we would like. Yet as is said, only through fire is the steel tempered, and those brave souls who survive through this test with clean pants get their just reward. The arduous struggle, the imminent anticipation, the violent explosion, the tranquil afterglow... just reward alright. In fact it is in this most peaceful of states that I was enlightened unto the reason behind the success of man in the evolutionary ladder. Only man can claim to truly 'enjoy' the 2 most fundamental life process - reproduction, and defecation. We love to do what we must do ... fun at the workplace is the key. (Incidentally I might have also solved the mystery of the extinction of the dinosaurs... It would be so hard to either s... or f... with them big ass scaly tails in the way. And if you've got hands like the t-rex, you cant even wipe... ) Anyway back to the point, so here in a joyous moment I finally laid my eyes on it for the first time. Soft and white, it looked so pure and pristine, innocent and beautiful. Rolled up and sitting quiet and pretty. Never before had I seen anything like this 'toilet paper' as the locals called it. And I dont know why, maybe in the euphoric delusion or something, I was taken in by its beautiful promises... and I let it take advantage of me. I was violated. I felt so dirty, used, filthy... I felt like shit, even felt shit, literally. And I swore that day never to look towards the paper again... >>>>>>>>>>

Until now.
Now I have no other choice.

I cannot run. I cannot look for Indian relatives in these foreign lands who can shelter me from the tyranny of the soft-spoken yet cold-hearted toilet paper and keep me in safe (and watered) territory. There's no one I can turn to for they will only ridicule me, and laugh at me. For these poor souls were born into this bondage... their minds shrouded by paper... they have never had the freedom of crystal clear water, the choice of hot or cold water, mug or jet... no they would never understand.
He who has never tasted freedom can never defend it.

No. I cannot run or escape. I must face my worst fears.
It is time.

Time ... TO WIPE !!!

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